There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
