Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
