seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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