Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
True but thats because hes a fetus.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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