Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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