Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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