allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
