yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
