She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Boobs are out for the taking
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
