everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
