You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
