If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
