we're blogging at a bar
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
