So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
she pinky promised me she was 18
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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