please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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