the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
