my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
