I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
he puts the penis in happiness.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
