i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
