It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
