I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
he's gonorrhea incarnate
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
