wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
