I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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