if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
