I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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