my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
