O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
