He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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