so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
