I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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