As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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