90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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