Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
