how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
