I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Randomize
