the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
