walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
