Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
