sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
