it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
