Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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