I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Randomize
