i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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