You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
its not stalking. its research.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
