I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
