She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize