He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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