Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
