His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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