I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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