i may or may not be watching the land before time
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
