If that was your dad, he is hot
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
