It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I think pants incapable of making pants work
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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