Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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