3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
