I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize