I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
