i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
