that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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