he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
