i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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