Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
