Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
