So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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