dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Randomize
