I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
