just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
