Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
