Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
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