I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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