I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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