I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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