I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
