My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
