Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
